Today was day 2 in PHP. This program is SO FREAKING BORING. I'm there for 8 hours of the day and we only do 2-3 30min discussion groups a day! It's so frusturating! Yesterday we spent 45min doing yoga, 45min doing arts and crafts and 45min watching friends. Then the rest of the time we were either doing a bathroom break or eating. I'm not going to get anything out of this program except weight. I went into the program yesterday wearing my glasses and no makeup expecting to cry in groups throughout the day. But I ended up almost falling asleep in all of these "daycare" activities. It's actually rediculous. This is such a waste of my time.
On top of that, the 4 other girls in the group all all younger then me. I am 21 and have been the oldest in both PHP and IOP programs since I got here over 3 months ago. In PHP now there's an 18 year old, 13 year old, 14 year old and 16 year old. But the 18 year old is in her first treatment ever so we're in entirerly different stages, and obviously I can't relate to the 13 and 14 year olds at all. I do like the 16 year old a lot and we have become friendly. We're also both alike in that we don't want to get better. But I think I'm more against it then she is because she's young enough for her parents to be on top of her about it.
Today in the 1st of the 3 groups we had, I was kind of hinting about not wanting to get better. And at the end of the group the therapist said that from now on we should try to make the groups positive and not negative. So now I feel like I can't even say anything in the groups because I'll be a negative trigger for the other girls! So now I can't get anything at all out of the program, if I can't even say what I want to say in the 2-3 groups we have.
I'm just beyond frusturated right now =/
If I must say, it does sound quite terribly useless. That's absolutely ridiculess you cannot be fully honest in those groups. Feel free to do that here, as you are, it is the only thing of value. Stay honest.
ReplyDeleteI hope at some point you find something worthwhile, so it doesn't seem so much of a waste if time.
I completely understand not wanting to get better, it's how I feel at the moment.
Take care love and keep safe xx
Thank you melrose. It's gotten a little better but is still completely frusturating. I hope all is well with you! xx
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