Insurance Company

Well I was supposed to go into a partial hospitalization program (PHP) for the remainder of the summer until I went back to college.  But my insurance company denied my doctor's request, and her appeal!  I definitely did not see that one coming.  My parents made me quit my summer camp job so that I could do the program, so I've been just doing random things that needed to be done, the last few days.  So now I officially won't be doing a program for the remainder of the summer. 

How do I feel?  Mostly relief.  I broke down sobbing when I was planning my meal plan for the first week with the nutritionist there.  There was dairy at every single meal and some meat meals that I couldn't get around.  And if you don't eat part of your meal, you have to eat 1.5 times as many calories as you would've eaten in some protein shake that the hospital feeds old people who can't digest food properly.  Apparently they taste gross, and there's dairy in them.  My plan was to just drink those instead of all dairy and meat, but I obviously can't do that now that I know what's in them. 

On the other hand, I am a tiny bit depressed.  I was hoping that I would've gotten a little better by the time I went back to school.  I know there's a barrier between me and my friends because of this eating disorder, and I was hoping that the PHP would at least lessen it.

As long as I'm proclaimed "medically stable" by my doctor, I'm allowed to go back to school like normal.  I just have to start trying in my therapist/nutritionist appointments, and try to fit an intensive out-patient program into my schedule.  The insurance company wants me to try that before they'll allow me to do the PHP, and my parents want me to be able to do the PHP over winter break if I need it.

For the past year I've been able to delay every single threat that my parents/doctors have thrown at me but I'm not sure how much longer this can last...